Technology has become a huge part of daily life, and our kids are immersed in it, too. As parents in the Age of the Internet, we’re facing a new dilemma – how to regulate, and how MUCH to regulate, our children’s online lives?
As BetsyinPortland said, “It’s a whole new frontier.”
Luckily, DadLabs creator Clay Nichols was in The Motherhood today to put us through our paces during an incredibly informative live chat. He and his expert co-hosts shared advice on e-proofing gadgets and setting limits to protect our kids. Here are their top 10 rules.
Rule #1: Start Early
“By the time kids are teens, a lot of the work has already been done,” Clay Nichols pointed out. “Having conversations and modeling healthy behavior around food, sexuality, relationships, tech – in so many areas – needs to start early.”
Rule #2: Set Reasonable Limits
“The Famigo team has found that screentime for kids has changed quite a bit. It’s not just passive entertainment anymore,” said Q Beck, founder of Famigo. “There’s a ton of educational value and a lot of opportunities for families to play and learn together. There’s definitely a balance though, kids should still get outside and play!”
Clay Nichols said, “I don’t use specific time limits – more like a gut feeling when kids are getting overcooked. I do appreciate that some platforms, like the XBOX 360, allow parents to set daily time allowances for kids. Very cool parental control.”
Rule #3: Explain the Limits to Your Kids
Carrie Contey added, “I think being wide open to hearing all of the children’s opinions and concerns and desires is the best way to go. And then offering your limits with love and kindness.”
“Talking about limits and boundaries is the ultimate goal here – and one that reaches way beyond tech. This is a values conversation,” replied Clay Nichols.
Rule #4: Lead by Example
“I am a big advocate of having ‘Family Guidelines’ that everyone abides by,” said Carrie Contey. “No screens between 5-7 pm or a screen fast on Sundays. It’s up to the family, but I do believe it needs to apply to everyone.”
Q Beck suggested another method for leading by example. “Some of the adults I hang out with have been playing a new game at the dinner table where we stack up all of our phones when we’re out at a restaurant for the duration of the meal. The first person to grab their device during the meal has to foot the bill for dinner,” he said. “I think families can do something similar with different stakes, like whoever grabs their iPod or phone has to do the dishes.”
Rule #5: Help Kids Understand the Implications of Internet Use
“It’s amazing how even ADULTS don’t apply an ‘in person’ filter to what they post online,” remarked CretinNik. (If you won’t say it to someone’s face, don’t put it online.)
When it comes to allowing kids to post content, “I think you need to have really good in-person social skills before taking the social media toys for a ride,” agreed Deborah.
“My 12-year-old made a video with her friend where they acted, well, like idiots (that’s what they called it), and she wanted to put it on YouTube,” said Brandie. “So I asked her, when she goes to apply for college, or gets into high school, or whatever, does she want someone to search her and see that video? Well, no she didn’t want that. So she changed her mind and stopped asking!”
Rule #6: Be the Keeper of the (Online Access) Keys
“Own the Wireless,” Clay Nichols advised. “Put a passcode on the wireless network in your home and don’t tell the kids the password! Enter it for them if they need it. Assert that the wireless belongs to the parents and access is a privilege.”
And when it comes to monitoring Facebook and Twitter activity, along with other sites,”Controlling email accounts and access to the web is key,” he added.
“We also have iTunes password protected. My kids can’t download an app or a song without us putting in a code,” said Brandie.
Rule #7: When in Doubt, Supervise
For content-sharing sites like YouTube, because it “is so open and the content is so varied, we recommend it as a joint parent/kid activity, rather than trying to trust the safety mode and let your kids on it unsupervised,” said Q Beck.
“Since YouTube is not curated, you are going to get surprises, even if benign,” and even if supervised, Troy Lanier pointed out. “We prefer Ted Talks. They are short, interesting, and parents can watch too. There are other sites like Kideo and Zui, but we are more of a Ted Talks family.”
Clay Nichols added, “My rule is simple and physical. YouTube is rated R. Adult supervision for kids under 17. I restrict YouTube (off) on all mobile devices and tablets.”
Rule #8: Keep an Eye on All Tech Activity
“Our kids are NOT allowed to password protect their things,” said Brandie. “They can’t lock their computer or phone or iThing, because the rule is dad and I can pick it up at ANY time and look at it. That means we can see their texts, their e-mails, etc.”
Rule #9: Control Volume
From Clay Nichols, instructions for setting a volume limiter to protect kids’ eardrums (on iPod Nano, iPod Touch, iPad and iPhone): Home Screen >> Settings >> Music >> Volume Limit >> *move slide from right to left about 20-25%* >> set passcode >> confirm passcode
Added Q Beck, “Another option is avoiding all earphones/buds and using the built-in speakers on the devices. Of course then you are exposed to the sounds of the games, which might be annoying, but is also another way of getting involved, being aware of what is being played and prevents damage to hearing.”
Rule #10: Enjoy Gadgets Together!
“Famigo has seen a spike in tablet usage in families, especially since December. We’re seeing that they are largely shared devices that everybody in the family uses,” said Q Beck. “Making the differentiation between a tablet everyone shares and personal tablets is a good way to monitor content, curb spending and limit screen time. The physical action of sharing also creates more interaction between the whole family.”
“One of my kids and I read the same book from the iPad and leave notes, questions, comments for each other. I cherish being able to do that,” agreed Cooper.
“We recently bought our 10 year old a Nook Simple Touch. I like that it has only very limited SM capability like posting to FB and Twitter (which can be turned off),” said Clay Nichols. “She is thrilled and reads on it every night. And I read with her. On my Kindle.”
http://youtu.be/MbhNO6z1vHg
Thanks for a great chat, everyone! Check out the full transcript here. And, you can find our host and co-hosts here:
Clay Nichols, Creator of DadLabs
Troy Lanier, Director of Product Development, Kirkus Reviews
Carrie Contey, PhD, parenting expert
Q Beck, Founder of Famigo
