It’s not your mother’s marketplace out there. Brands in the Internet age market through bloggers and social media. It seems like a win-win: brands get the word out about their products through the authentic voices of people who really use them, and bloggers get to try new products, build business relationships–and yes, for some types of work, get paid.

Often, the relationship between brand and blogger is a fruitful one. Sometimes, due to missteps on one or both sides, the relationship isn’t all that it could be. In The Motherhood yesterday,  Carol Cain of Girl Gone Travel hosted a talk on best practices for bloggers and brands to work together successfully. Carol was joined by panelists Jen Rabulan-Bertram of The Next Kid Thing, Niri of Mommy Niri, Roo Ciambriello of Nice Girl Notes, Corine of Complicated Mama, and Tracy Iglesias of Ascending Butterfly. They held forth on what’s worked well in their blogger-brand relationships, what’s a deal-breaker, and what both sides can do to make the process  better for everyone.

How to Lose Friends and Alienate Bloggers (or Brands)

The blogger-brand relationship is just that: a relationship. Just as you would (hopefully!) reject an overture from a guy who approached you and said, “Greetings, attractive woman. I have an offer I think you might be interested in,”  our bloggers tend to reject generic pitches that start with “Dear Blogger,” and clearly show the brand’s PR person has no idea what the blogger is about. A cursory glance at most blogs will reveal the writer’s name and her interests.  Corine also hates seeing, “I thought your readers might be interested in….. {insert super cool event that you were not invited to when it happened}.” In short, brands that show genuine interest in, and respect for, prospective partners are likely to get bloggers’ attention and best work.

Bloggers need to recognize their part in the relationship, as well, of course. Perhaps the most common offense on the blogger end is a lack of professionalism. Carol points out, “Blogging can be a ‘hobby’ for some, but not when you want to work with brands. It has to be more serious than that.” Niri says, “Keep it professional always – if you want this to be a career, treat it as one in everything you do – from your emails to your conduct at events. Everyone is watching. If you would not do it for a regular job, you should not be doing it here.” Roo concurred, musing, “I never understand when bloggers get trashed at parties. I mean, I understand, but I think it’s bad form to puke on your shoes when brands you’re trying to work with are standing right there.” It may be easy to feel that because your work is taking place online, the relationship is more easygoing and casual, but in reality, professional conduct is just as important as in an office setting.

That professionalism extends to things like making sure you meet deadlines, doing your research, and not accepting projects that aren’t a good fit for you and your readers. Even if the compensation is great, if a product or brand isn’t a good fit, you won’t enjoy your work, your readers won’t respond to it, and the brand won’t be satisfied with it. If you choose to reject a pitch for whatever reason, at least take a moment to respond to it,  rather than just deleting it. Take the long view of any prospective relationship with a brand. Carol says, “I have learned to take some time to feel the brand (or rep) out. The goal should always be, whether that is the intention of the brand or not, to make them a long term client.”

Other things bloggers can do to make it easier for brands to reach out to them: make your name and contact info readily available, on your “About” or “PR” page.  Likewise, set forth things like your kids’ ages as of a certain date so brands will know if a pitch is a good fit, age-wise. Consider including the geographical region in which you live, the types of products you are (and are not interested in). All of these things can help someone considering pitching to bloggers get to know whether a campaign or product would be a good fit, and make a more personalized pitch.

The issue of compensation is difficult for some brands and bloggers. Both sides need to be clear on what work is being done and what it is worth. Our bloggers agreed that being paid to do a review feels wrong. But so does being asked to do legitimate consulting work while being treated as a “free message board” for the brand. As Jen points out, “ROI has to be more definitive on both ends, for sure…whether it’s monetary or not.”

What Really Works

We wanted to hear about the blogger-brand relationship when it’s at its best–what does that look like? Carol cited an atmosphere of respect: “I think any time a brand can treat and communicate with a blogger more as a partner than as an ‘subordinate’ the relationship tends to work well.” Roo values flexibility: “Sometimes the typical review/giveaway combo isn’t the most effective way to reach an audience. When a brand is amenable to veering off their usual course of action and listen to ideas, that’s always awesome.”

Genuineness and goodwill, even moving beyond a campaign, rate high with Jen: “I wrote about how a baby seat from 4moms helped my family out while the baby was in the hospital. It was a sample product that became invaluable. The company has since offered to donate to the hospital.” Tracy is currently in a well-run campaign that feels like a true partnership: “The agency (rep) that stands as the go between for the bloggers and the brand is a blogger herself; she gets what we need to make the campaign work for us. And the brand has truly taken the time to get to know us and give us all opportunities to know one another, so we are a team of bloggers working on this project together in every sense of the word.”

Our bloggers were mixed on the utility of press releases. Some never use them, many use them to generate story ideas and as a jumping-off point for an interview to gain more in-depth knowledge.

Likewise, the bloggers had varying opinions on the effectiveness of brand engagement at conferences. While, as Tracy observes, conferences can provide “the opportunity to really get to know the sponsors on a more intimate level,” Corine points out, “The people managing the booths almost always aren’t the decision makers that you would work with in the future anyway.” Carol says, “The follow up and communication after is really what solidifies the partnerships.”

Carol concluded with this thought: “The last thing I would want to say to brands, and to bloggers, is to hold out for the opportunities (and bloggers) that really speak to your niche and voice. I am most willing to work with brands who I know had to vet the hell out of me before selecting me. It lets me know that whomever else is on board is worth it too. No blogger, like no brand, wants to be associated with anything below their standards of work or professional ethics. I would rather be overlooked than selected with the masses.”

Our kids are probably the best-documented generation in the history of the world. Not because they’re spoiled or because we’re helicopter parents, but just…because we can.

One short generation ago, when we were kids, taking pictures involved a little forethought and patience. Pictures were for “occasions.” Our parents had to buy film and flashbulbs (remember those?) and carry around a camera that was a little on the bulky side. And when the last photo on the roll was snapped, that was it. Three days after you took them in, your pictures came back from the Fotomat. Your editing choices? Like it or lump it.

Left: Photo by Brandie Langer, Journey of 1000 Stitches. Right: Scrapbook page by Amy Mallory, Snap & Scrap.

Now, when taking a picture is as easy as whipping out a tiny digital camera or your phone, capturing family memories isn’t just for birthday parties and vacations. It’s all about documenting the wonderful, fleeting moments of everyday life, the ones that are so easily buried under, well, the rest of everyday life.

We talked today with Michele of Scraps of My Geek Life, along with Katie Pertiet of Designer Digitals, Stephanie of Bizzie Living, and Amy of Snap & Scrap. They shared their thoughts on capturing and preserving family memories in the digital age.

A Year In the Life

I’d heard of Project 365, but really didn’t know what it was about, or what was required to participate. It’s simply a project where you take a photograph every day for a year. It started as a way for photographers to hone their skills, but as Michele observed, it’s become much more. She says, “I see it as a way to capture my family’s daily lives…the mundane. The things you never think you are going to care about, but 10 years later are awesome. Like all the shoes in my back hall that drive me crazy….” Michele offers a link to this tutorial to help us get started. Although many people start their project on the first day of the year, starting on any day is just fine; Stephanie suggests that starting on a birthday can be fun.

Several of us expressed some regret at not having taken more pictures of our older kids while they were growing up. Project 365 provides motivation to snap photos on days that don’t necessarily cry out to be documented, and that can pay dividends later, as Amy notes: “My kids seem to be drawn to the everyday photos when looking through their albums.” Looking for inspiration? Michele recommends Googling “Project 365 shots” and checking out Photojojo, where she first discovered the project. View a sample of what Michele does with her photos here.

Okay, I’ve Taken My Pictures – Now What?

Taking pictures with film and having someone else develop them took a lot of the pressure off. On the one hand, if they came out badly, you couldn’t do anything about it. On the other hand, if they came out badly, you didn’t have to do anything about it. If you were feeling fancy, you put your pics in a self-stick album; if not, into a shoebox.

Now of course, there are all kinds of options for photo editing and getting creative with how you display your photographs. Several people confessed to being stymied by Photoshop. Michele concedes that Photoshop can be challenging to master and suggests, “Photoshop is much more complicated, but Photoshop Elements takes the features most of us would use often for our personal photos and makes it easy to do them. There is a 30 day free trial. It’s much easier.” PicMonkey is a free photo-editing site that Deborah called “super easy,” and which offers upgrades for a fee.  Lightroom is a good option if you have large numbers of photos (Michele has over 75,000!).

Speaking of which…one of the joys of digital photography is that you can take all the photos you want. But then where do you store them?

Left: Photo by Stephanie Elie, Bizzie Living. Right: Photo by Katie Pertiet, Designer Digitals.

Katie says, “I have crashed iPhoto…and now that file is 400gig and I can’t get it backed up! Not good. I have gone to storing photos in a folder system on an external hard disk.” Others use external hard drives as well, and Michele also keeps her photos on Flickr. Her settings are such that only she and her family can see them, a privacy feature that’s likely important to you if you’re posting pictures of your kids.

If you want to share your photos, of course, the photo editing tools above can help you come up with hundreds of creative ways to do so. It may take a little patience to sit through the tutorials and master techniques, but it’s a lot better than handing someone a dusty shoebox full of snapshots with curling edges, isn’t it?

Being a parent is hard. I don’t care who you are or how much money you have, or how smart you used to feel before you had kids. I’ve never met a mother who felt she had it completely under control, all the time.

Being a single parent has its own challenges, of course. No matter whether you become a single parent by choice or circumstance, in some ways, it makes a hard job even harder. No live-in backup when you need to take a break. Maybe no one to remind you, when you’ve lost all perspective and feel like you’re doing it all wrong, that you’re a wonderful person succeeding at one of the hardest jobs in the world.

But just as single parenthood has its hardships, it carries with it unexpected joys and blessings. Today in The Motherhood, we talked about managing the challenges and cultivating the rewards of single parenthood with talk host Issa Mas of Single Mama NYC and panelists Shannon of The Mommy-Files, Crystal of Kid Things, Linda of NYC Single Mom, and Teresa of TeresaOlvera.com.

There are Challenges…

The challenge most frequently cited by the moms we talked with today was simply, “never enough hands,” as Crystal put it. Teresa said, “The hardest part was when I was sick or working. I was the one that had to take the time off of work. I had to make sure (my daughter) made it to the dentist appointments. But when it came time for when I was sick, she had to learn to be there for me.” The upside, she noted, was that facing those challenges together made for a closer relationship over the years. Also difficult, Teresa pointed out, was missing her daughter on holidays when she was with her other parent.

One talk participant, who is a recent widow, spoke of going to her child’s back to school events: “It’s tough going alone, knowing there isn’t anyone there to laugh with or make fun of goofy speakers with.”

Issa Mas shared advice that is helpful with regard to both administrative and emotional challenges: “I am a believer in a little bit of planning and forethought going a long way. If you can sit down and identify what your challenges are or will be and try to address those needs before they arrive, it lessens stress considerably.” Sometimes just knowing what you’re facing helps you to be ready for it.

… and Rewards

Richard Bach wrote, “There is no such thing as a problem without a gift for you in its hands.” And whatever problems are inherent in being the sole grownup-in-charge, they come bearing gifts.  One mom enjoys all the one-on-one time she gets with her child. Linda loves hearing her daughter acknowledge that she’s a good mommy. Shannon hears her sons using good manners (with one another, no less!) and thinks to herself, “I did that – I taught them to do that.” Those are no small things–they’re signposts along the path, reminding you that yes, you are headed the right way.  For the road is long, is it not? One of Teresa’s rewarding moments was seeing her daughter on her first day of college. And she guided her child to that proud day.

One of the great rewards of single parenting can be, as Issa Mas puts it, “growing your village.” Sometimes partnered parents are a unit unto themselves, and if it works, that’s great. But when you’re parenting on your own, it becomes necessary to build a network of trusted friends and family for those inevitable times when you need help or encouragement. It might be as practical as a group of other moms to trade off child care with. It may be as life-changing as creating a chosen family: aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents who may not be related by blood, but by choice and love.

Don’t Forget About You

You’ve heard it before: parenting is like being on an airplane when the cabin pressure drops. The oxygen masks fall, and the temptation is to make sure your child’s mask is on, that they’re protected. But the reality is that if you don’t put your own mask on, you’ll be no good to anyone.

When you’re a single parent, self-care is your oxygen mask. It gives you what you need to be a better parent, and you should no more feel guilty about having it than you would about needing to take a deep breath of oxygen. Teaching the kids to pull their weight around the house is a form of self-care, as well as a means to build mastery in self-esteem in your kids. (As most of our panelists acknowledge, though, getting the kids to be helpful is something of a process. I guess some things are the same no matter how many parents are in the house.) Time to yourself, especially with friends who understand, is another important component of self-care. Being a mom is wonderful, but so is eating chocolate-covered doughnuts–and you wouldn’t want to do that 24/7 without a break, either.

It Gets Better, and Other Words of Wisdom

Single parenting can be overwhelming sometimes, especially if you’re new to it.  Crystal says, “it does get easier. It may not be today or tomorrow, but it really does get easier. You’ll get into a routine and most day-to-day stuff won’t seem quite so difficult anymore.” Teresa reminds us, ” Try to do your best to have a decent relationship with the child’s father. Try to get along as much as you can.” Sometimes easier said than done, but always worth striving for. She also urges, “Try to be flexible with your child’s schedule and make time for you. Make sure you still live your life. Your child wants to see you independent so that they can learn from you.”

Good advice, from women who have been there, who are there, who are there for each other. Sounds like the village got a little bigger today.

Every year since my oldest was born, my husband and I have made a photo calendar of the kids as Christmas gifts for the grandparents. Consequently, we’re always on the lookout for “calendar shots” throughout the year. I remember one Easter eve. We were coloring eggs and my son was about seven. I wanted a picture of him and his four year old sister dipping their eggs and smiling. Trouble was, he just didn’t look happy enough. “Smile,” I urged him repeatedly, as he focused on not dropping his egg and splashing dye everywhere. “SMILE.” Unsurprisingly, my son looked increasingly stricken in every photo I snapped until, in the final one, he is wearing a terrified grimace and holding his egg out to me as if afraid I will crush it over his head.

You will not be shocked to learn that that picture did not make the calendar.

Fortunately for all of us, I am not in charge of handing out the photography tips around here. For that, we have a cracker-jack team of great moms and brilliant photographers whose kids do not start to tremble and break out in hives when someone whips out a Nikon. Hosting our photography talk today was Heather, aka Sprittibee. She was joined by Stacy of Kids Stuff World, Jamie of See Jamie Blog and Jamie Worley Photography, and Jacquilyn of Jacquilyn Avery, all with tips on how to capture those fleeting moments with your kids – and have fun at the same time.

Heather’s Hints

Heather dropped hints for getting good pictures throughout the talk like my kids drop Teddy Grahams throughout the house. I’ve gathered them here for your enjoyment (the hints, not the Teddy Grahams):

#1 : FRAME your shot.  Make sure the light is not too harsh, clear the clutter from your background – those are things that can’t be fixed easily in Photoshop… the aim is to try and take your BEST shot inside the camera.

#2: Get to know your camera. Read your manual. Get informal lessons from others who use your camera type if you are the SEE IT rather than read it type.

 #3: Look at other people’s photos for inspiration. Keep a folder of favorite pictures you want to try and mimic with your children for fun, or just take some notes and use your imagination. (See some of Heather’s favorites here.)

#4 : Get yourself in some of the photos or you’ll regret it later. Don’t feel sorry for yourself that no one else in the family thinks to take pictures of mom – be assertive and ASK someone to take a picture!

#5: Take photos of them with the things they love, doing what they love. This is a great way to memorialize the moments that make life and your unique kids special.

#6: Look for a different angle. Always shoot more than one shot of the same picture Sometimes just getting down on your kids’ level or getting a picture of the scene from a new vantage point will make your photo pop.

#7: Take some silhouette and profile shots. It used to be popular to have a dark photo with the light from the side, and to draw silhouettes and mod-podge them. These are coming back in style and there are some great iPhone apps that allow you to make the most creative photos from empty silhouettes filled with photos.

#8: Play with photo editing. It’s not that hard. IPhone apps are super fun, and easier than learning Photoshop. Heather has printed many of her iPhone photos that she has edited with apps and framed them in her house, the quality is so good. Heather recommends checking out Alli Worthington’s e-book to learn about iPhone apps to use for photography.

#9: Don’t miss the action. Learn to pan, learn about shutter speeds, get your kids running, laughing, doing whatever quirky thing they do. This is another reason why our DSLR cameras aren’t always enough.The iPhone is revolutionizing photography because it is always in your pocket.

#10: Make collages to tell stories. You can make collages on Picasa, on iPhone apps such as Diptic, and on BigHugeLabs.com from your flickr photos.

#11: Make friends with your iPhone and load up on photo apps.  Heather says, “I couldn’t do a talk without mentioning Instagram.” Heather’s blog post on Instagram is definitely a worthwhile read.  Stacy also has a great iPhone tip: “Did you know you could take a photo using the volume button on your phone? When you want to be in a photo yourself, use the flip camera option and use the volume buttons to better control how you frame your shot.”

More Brilliant Ideas

I’m a Pinterest junkie. If you are, too, you’ll appreciate all the great photography ideas and tips on Stacy’s photography board. Pinterest is a great way to collect and organize shots that you admire and would like to try. Stacy’s advice about taking pictures of kids is,  “Head out with the mindset of just having fun. Don’t expect to go out with lots of young children and do a professional shoot of some sort. For me, the magic of catching children in photographs comes through catching them in the moment. Go out to have fun and THEN  you will truly get some great shots.” Jacquilyn agrees: “Make picture taking fun! Act goofy – be crazy!”

I wish I’d talked to Jacquilyn before terrorizing my poor little dude trying to get him to smile at me while he was busy coloring eggs. She says, “Another tip I use with my own family is, don’t always worry about capturing images with them looking at the camera. My oldest son suffers from severe autism and has NO interest in looking at the camera whatsoever. We structure our photo shoots around capturing interaction. My husband and I playing with the kids, looking the direction they are looking, tickling or reading together. Capturing moments that are dear to us vs. trying and trying and trying for that perfect look into the camera everyone smiling shot… because for us, it just isn’t going to happen and that’s totally ok!”

And when it comes down to it, the stiff, posed shots aren’t the ones you love to look at over and over. Jamie notes, “I’m kind of a stalker, even in my family, for natural, un-cheese shots.” Those are the ones that turn out to be the treasures. As Stacy observes, “I think an often overlooked part of shooting our kids is just capturing those sweet moments part of your everyday life. The ones you truly want to remember, not the ones in the fancy clothes or the uncomfortable shoes. Just moments that, without the shot, you might not remember on your own.”

(Check out the transcript of the talk here for more great ideas and links.)

Doesn’t motherhood just make you want to burst into song all the time? That’s how it makes me feel. Unfortunately, the song is usually “I Wanna Be Sedated” by the Ramones.

Chances are your experience of parenting isn’t all that much like a Broadway musical, either (and if I am wrong about this, please keep it to yourself). But whether we realize it or not, almost every mom uses music to help get through the day–whether it’s the “clean up” song with preschoolers, listening to our own favorites on an iPod while running or doing the dishes, or singing babies to sleep at night. Music makes motherhood easier, not to mention more entertaining.

No one knows this better than Ellie, The Mommy Master. Ellie’s just released a CD of children’s music called “Music is Magical.” Inspired by the fun she and her three young sons have making music together, Ellie has created songs that kids love (and learn from) and that parents like to listen to as well. Of the origins of her CD, Ellie says, “I always studied the piano and loved music growing up. I was very involved with theatre, took acting classes and was always performing. I found music to be a great way to express myself. When I had kids, I put my love of writing and my love of music together and my CD was born.” Ellie’s songs are fun, but many of them also deal with things kids find challenging, like the first day of school and potty training, in a way that makes those challenges easier to face.

Ellie joined us in The Motherhood today to talk about sharing music and special moments with our kids. Also on board were Hanan of Lilac City Momma, Eileen of A Suburban State of Mom, Lolo of Crazy About My Baybah, Marcie of Suburban Mama, and Elizabeth of Vocke Ventures – A Living Experiment.

These moms know how to use music to everyone’s advantage. Elizabeth says, “I use music to help my daughter (who is 4) remember important things. I made up a song to teach her to spell her name when she was very young, and recently used a song to teach her our phone number, in case she ever needs it. She picked it up in three or four tries.” Eileen uses music to entertain her boys, but also to help them focus: “There have also been so many studies about how music helps brain function. I play relaxing kinda music during homework time and I swear it helps my older one relax and focus.” Marcie uses music to help her kids manage time: “A lot of times I measure tasks and time in song – like how long will it take me to do this? Oh, that’s 2 songs long… How far is the place we are going, the kids ask? Oh, that’s 3 songs long.”

Given how great music can be for kids, Hanan wondered, “What age is a good time to teach your child to play an instrument?” Ellie responded, “If they show an interest, I don’t think there is a minimum age. For example, banging in the drums or making music with pots and pans is educational for the real young ones. My oldest took piano lessons when he was 4.” Lolo adds, “My son loves to play his harmonica, it is so cute! He is three.” Obviously, music doesn’t have to be an all-or-nothing commitment; kids can ease into it. After all, it’s supposed to be enjoyable.

Speaking of which, most of us listen to “regular” music with our kids, because the kids do enjoy it and because, let’s face it, Barney songs make moms want to claw their own eardrums out by the third line.  That’s why Ellie tried to be mindful of the needs of kids and the tastes of parents when creating her CD: “I created my CD with current rhythms and beats, similar to top 20 hits, so children would keep interest. Children’s songs don’t have to be baby songs. I have a rap song, techno, reggae and country among others.”

If you have little ones, catch a sample of Music is Magical here (there’s also info on buying the CD). The kids will love it, and you’ll enjoy sharing it with them while they’re little. After all, there will be plenty of time to introduce them to the Ramones when they’re (much) older.

The last time I had a spa day in an actual spa was when I was six months pregnant with my first child. I really enjoyed it; I have no idea why I haven’t been back since.

Yeah, right.

It’s indisputable that few people need spa days more than moms. It’s also indisputable that it’s much easier to find the time and money to go to the spa when the loves of your life aren’t consuming all your time and money.

But what mothers may lack in free time and discretionary funds, they make up for in resourcefulness and ingenuity. If mama can’t get to the spa, she can bring the spa right home to her–with the help of Angie of My Four Monkeys, who hosted The Motherhood’s talk on having yourself a home spa day. Angie was joined by guests Liz of A Nut in a Nutshell, Felicia of Go Graham Go, Xenia of Thanks, Mail Carrier, Bridgette of Experimental Mommy, Renee of What Mommies Need, and Jennifer of Mommy B Knows Best to discuss head to toe pampering without leaving the house.

Admittedly, it’s difficult to get a full spa day experience at home. For one thing, who has a full day? For another, it may be tough to train your four year old to drape you in fluffy snow white towels she’s rushed straight from the warm dryer. (You may have more success getting your seven year old to peer at you critically and ask if you’re sure you don’t want your lip waxed.) But if you can steal an hour or two after the kids are in bed, you can have yourself a peaceful, relaxing time.

Don’t forget that a spa experience is for all your senses. If you find candles relaxing, have some at hand in your spa area. Have some favorite music selected and ready to go. Don’t forget a beverage, and not necessarily an alcoholic one. A nice cup of tea, or some chilled water with a few thin slices of cucumber in it, are refreshing and contribute to the spa experience. Get some essential oils and use (sparingly–a little goes a long way) to scent your bath. Some favorites among our panelists were vanilla, coconut and lavender for relaxation. Peppermint and grapefruit are great choices for invigoration.

Once it’s quiet and feeling spa-like, what are your favorite ways to pamper? Many of our talk participants really enjoy a facial or a great skin scrub. Of course you can buy that stuff in a tube, but it smells and feels even better (and costs less) if you make it at home. Our panelists provided their favorites, and links to more:

Angie’s Honey Avocado Oatmeal Mask

(especially great for oily skin)
½ cup dry old-fashioned oatmeal
¼ avocado
1 tsp honey
1 Tbsp olive oil

1. In a bowl, mix the honey, olive oil, and avocado.
2. Add in the oatmeal and mix thoroughly.

If acne is a problem for you, Angie recommends this facial mask:

Chamomile and Mint Facial
1 tsp chopped fresh mint
1 Tblsp honey
1 egg

1. Mix all ingredients in a medium bowl.
2. Apply the mixture to your face.
3. Let dry for 10-15 minutes, then rinse with tepid water.

Angie’s Honey Lip Scrub
1 teaspoon of honey
1 teaspoon baking soda
a few drops of olive oil

1. Mix the honey and baking soda till a smooth paste is formed.
2. Apply the mixture on your lips and leave it on for a few minutes, then gently rub the lips to remove dead skin.
3. Wash your lips with water, and apply olive oil to your lips to moisturize them.

If you like cinnamon, you’ll love this Cinnamon Sugar Lip Scrub Bridgette recommends, from Deliciously Organized.

For a more all-over skin scrub, Felicia offers her Brown Sugar Scrub. Angie also recommends Vanessa’s Chiquita Banana Sugar Scrub. (Angie points out that while many of these items make great gifts, ones using fresh perishable ingredients like bananas or avocados obviously do not, since they should be refrigerated and used within a few days.)

Essential oils can be used to scent and customize scrubs as well, such as this hand and body scrub offered by Angie:

½ cup brown sugar
2 Tblsp almond oil or olive oil
5 drops of honey
3 to 5 drops of your favorite essential oil

1. Mix ingredients thoroughly in a glass bowl.
2. Scrub can be used on the entire body, or just hands and feet (great for pedicures).

Angie says, “If you feel like splurging for a special occasion, here’s a scrub that uses papaya and smells like a beach getaway!”

Tropical Fruit and Sugar Scrub
½ cup white sugar
3 Tblsp coconut oil or coconut milk
3 Tblsp almond, jojoba oil, or olive oil
½ cup fresh pureed papaya

1. Mix the sugar and all the oils.
2. Add papaya to the mixture and stir.
3. Use on skin to rejuvenate, and remove dead skin.

When you create your own spa, you can do as much or as little as you like. Angie says,”I f you want to REALLY get into DIY pampering you can purchase supplies like beeswax, flavors, and coloring to create all kinds of products at home including lip balms, lip glosses, bath bombs, and more! Want to stick to recipes you probably already have the items to make? Look for scrub recipes, face masks, and bath salts.” She offers up this recipe for bath fizzies from Martha Stewart.

Sometimes the best part of a spa day is sharing it with someone else. But just because your spa is at home doesn’t mean that you can’t share it. In fact, it’s a great way to spend time with your daughters and create memories without spending a mint. Angie recommends Bonding Over Beauty by Erika Katz as a great source of pampering ideas and recipes for mothers and daughters to enjoy together.

Home spa days are also a relaxing and inexpensive way to get together with your friends. Jennifer did it for her bachelorette party, as did Liz’s daughter. Jennifer also suggests a spa day for a girl’s birthday party. Whether you have your spa day for a special occasion or no occasion at all, with your daughter, sister, friends or just yourself, relax and enjoy your pampering. If anyone has called you Mom, Mommy, Mother or Mama today, I promise you–you’ve earned it.

I have some dear friends whose motto regarding home projects is, “There’s a service for that.” If something needs painting, trimming, sprucing up–they’ve got somebody on speed dial to handle it. While that is convenient, it’s also expensive–and somehow, not nearly as satisfying as tackling a project yourself.

Today in The Motherhood, we talked about turning our DIY talents on our homes, with the help of talk host Kelli of Lolly Jane and guests Jaime of Crafty Scrappy Happy, Andrea of Queen B and Me, Tausha of Sassy Style, Maggie of Midwestern Girl DIY, and Aimee of It’s Overflowing. I’ll confess to being one of those people who always has a vision for a project, but who lacks the magic touch to make the reality line up with the vision. So I was especially eager to hear what everyone had to say.

Like, for instance…how to get started, especially if you’re not a natural DIY-er.  Aimee’s sage advice: “Know your style.” If you’re not totally sure what your style is, the Internet, especially Pinterest, can help you figure it out. As Maggie points out, “as far as Pinterest goes…start pinning things you love…after a while you may see a pattern in what you like…the same color wall over and over, etc.” Kelli suggests that once you know what you like, you may be able to find instructional videos on YouTube.  And it may be best not to start by biting off more than you can chew. Andrea suggests, “Pick something really easy at first, like painting a picture frame, or a shelf. Then try different techniques with it like distressing, or painting stripes! It will spark those juices and you will be unstoppable!”

Before a lot of us can get to “unstoppable,” though, we have to face the fears that are making us unstartable. (If that’s not a word, it should be, shouldn’t it?). Many of the less-experienced talk participants, me among them, have a fear of screwing up the project. But even those, like Maggie, with a lot of DIY decorating experience, will cop to the same fear. Jaime says, “I would have to say my biggest fear is re-doing something and liking it less after…. BUT I have yet to actually feel that way in the end.” It’s good to remember Maggie’s reassurance that “Unless you are doing a MAJOR overhaul, there’s really nothing that can’t be UNdone.” Andrea’s biggest fear had nothing to do with the decorating itself: “I never fear the decorating… I fear not having enough money!”

One thing some of us need to get over is the fear that others won’t love our pet projects. Of course it’s nice to have people ooh and ahh over what you’ve done, but keep in mind Kelli’s advice: “If you decorate for you, you’ll love it even more.”

Pinterest came up over and over as a source of inspiration, but by no means the only ones. Maggie and Jaime love poring over blogs, Kelli still gets lots of inspiration from magazines, and as Tausha says, “I love a good catalog and nothing beats a new, decorating magazine. Sorry pinterest…there is just something about touching the page.” So wherever you find your inspiration–just go for it!

“Go for it” seemed to be a theme of the conversation. Kelli encouraged us to not be afraid of color on our (till now) boring white or tan walls. If a whole room full of color is a bit too much to take, consider one bold accent wall. Tausha had some good advice as far as furnishings are concerned: “I love to do the big pieces in a neutral color than add pops of color with accessories, pillows and curtains. it’s much cheaper to change accessories than a couch.”

And speaking of furnishings, being a DIY-er means you can pick up items on the cheap, often for free, and make them fabulous. Kelli likes Goodwill, and Aimee’s had luck with Craigslist (Kelli says you can often talk a seller down on price, but don’t wait until you go to pick up the item).  Jaime loves garage sales and estate sales. Tausha enjoys yard sales, too. In addition to garage and estate sales, Maggie has found some treasures out on the curb on trash day (guess it was only trash to the untrained eye).

Of course, transforming all these treasures into even-better treasures requires using some tools. Now, my mother didn’t let me cut my own meat at dinner until I was ten, so I may have an unreasonable fear of the pointy and sharp. But Kelli enthused, “I love my drill, my chop saw, my level and my brad nail gun. They’re easy to use, easy to learn and I’m not afraid I’ll cut myself.” Andrea says she loves her staple gun and finish nailer, both of which sound kind of pointy and sharp to me. So, if I want to become a serious DIY-er, I may have to put down the two-dollar hot glue gun and go get myself some big-girl tools.

And when I do, I suspect I’ll feel really good about using them to create my own idea of beautiful. As Jaime said, “Remember…your house should make YOU happy! It doesn’t matter what the neighbors think!” And even if the neighbors don’t like it…who’s going to say so to a girl with a staple gun in her hand?

In the book 30 Lessons for Living: Tried and True Advice from the Wisest Americans, author Karl Pillemer distills wisdom from over a thousand elderly Americans into thirty practical lessons we can all use to be happier now. One of them was to travel as much as possible, if necessary sacrificing other things we spend money on to do so.  Travel is that valuable an experience.

What better gift, then, could we give our kids? And what sweeter memories than to experience new places together? Today in The Motherhood, Jodi Grundig of Mom’s Favorite Stuff and Family Travel Magazine was joined by Leigh of Hines-Sight Blog, Corinne of Have Baby Will Travel, Deb of Just a Mom’s Take on Things, Maria of Very Busy Mama, Mel of Mama Buzz, and Sherry of Baby Pop to talk about traveling with your kids–especially where. The when? Is now.

Corinne pointed out that we really only get eighteen summers with each of our kids; we need to make the most of them. So how early do you start traveling with your kids? Jodi says that she started traveling when her daughter was seven months old. Mel started when her oldest was around four or five. It’s nice for them to remember the trips you take them on, of course. But as Corinne noted, “I don’t think it matters if they don’t remember things, because YOU will never forget.”

Traveling with kids sometimes feels a little more like a National Lampoon Vacation movie than a Norman Rockwell painting. As Deborah so aptly phrased it, “It’s a TRIP, not a vacation. If you realize this, you won’t be disappointed in the little bit of relaxation you actually get.” Keep your expectations reasonable or you and your kids will end up annoyed and frustrated. These are not the memories you wish to cultivate.

But there are things that can make travel with kids easier and more enjoyable for everyone. Leigh says, “A DVD player is a must with kids. I can’t believe we held out for as long as we did.” And Sherry says that for road trips, headphones for the kids’ entertainment are important “so you can have some quiet. It is your vacation too.” Deb recommends “lots of stops along the way–don’t try to be in a hurry, but try to enjoy the drive and what you’re seeing.” Mel summed up many people’s advice when she suggested, “Take lots of snacks; have things to do on hand. Be ready to stop and get out to see things, even just to get them out of the car for little bits at a time. Travel with an exploring, inquisitive attitude.”

If you’re flying to your destination, Erin has heard that the best (cheapest) time to book a flight is Tuesdays at 3:00 p.m. Eastern time. Jodi says, “I like using Bing’s fare predictor. It tells you if it’s a good time to buy or if you should wait. They purchased the technology from a small company based in MA and I’ve found it to be accurate.” The money you save on airfare can go toward enjoying your destination a little bit more.

How do you decide on a destination? For a lot of people, returning to the same place year after year is a tradition that builds layers of memories. Others want to keep covering new ground. Deb knows of a family whose family vacation each year focuses on a different part of the USA. They’ve driven through most of the states, flown to Hawaii and cruised to Alaska! Many of us are in-between: the annual long weekend at Grandma’s lake cottage, plus a trip somewhere else we’ve always wanted to see. Jodi says, “To be honest, we have a hard time going somewhere new – we like returning to our old favorites. So we try to do a mix.”

How many of the places on this list would you like to travel to with your family?

- Hawaii

- The Grand Canyon

- France

- Italy

- Fiji

- Ireland

- Route 66 (for some, the ultimate road trip)

- Prince Edward Island

- Alaska

- Switzerland

- South Africa

- London

- Washington, DC

- New York City

- Disneyland or Disney World

- California

- Quebec City

- Australia

- Greece

- Mt. Rushmore

- Asheville, NC

- Niagara Falls

- Jamaica

- Phoenix, AZ for baseball spring training

- The Great Smoky Mountains

If this list inspires you, check out Jodi’s Travel Bucket List…and get started on your own! Go to as many of them with your kids as you can. You’re not just taking them somewhere. You’re giving them memories that someday will take them back.

We all have that friend who shows up at a party looking like a million bucks. When we pull her aside to ask where she got her outfit, it turns out it came from everywhere–a shirt from Target,  a designer skirt and shoes she got on sale at the mall, a bangle bracelet she picked up on vacation, all pulled together with an amazing belt she scored for a dollar at Goodwill. How does she do it? If I tried to pull all those elements together it would look like Goodwill threw up on me.

Fortunately, that fabulous friend came to The Motherhood yesterday to share her secrets, in the person of our talk host Melissa of All Things Chic and her guests Michelle of Everything’s Abuzz, Jodi of Blush Mamas, Kerri of Raising Three Savvy Ladies, Jyoti of Style Delights, April of Knocked Up Fabulous, and Alissa of Fun Finds for Families.

Fashion Find #1: Don’t Ignore the Fundamentals.

April stated, “I think the most important thing that women can do for themselves before shopping is to be very familiar with their body type…knowing what styles best flatter their features.” Just because something is in fashion doesn’t mean it will look good on you–Michelle says she tried the maxi dress look, but it just doesn’t work on her petite frame. And as Melissa noted, “If it doesn’t fit, you won’t wear it.”

Just as important as your body type is your undergarments. Deborah said, “I think that expensive and low-cost clothing can both look awful if your underthings aren’t appropriate. Get a professional fitting. ” Our panelists agreed wholeheartedly. After all, no painter tries to create a work of art without preparing the canvas first, right?

Fashion Find #2: Know When to Save, Know When to Splurge

Obviously, it’s easy to look great if you have unlimited funds. For the rest of us, we have to pick and choose our fashion investments. The consensus: spend more on classic items you’ll wear all the time like denim, coats, handbags and shoes, save on trendy items that will last only a season and on accessories you pick up to accent those classics. Jyoti says, “Clothing for the most part is my save item as the trends change season wise. A good carry all bag, riding boots and skincare/makeup is my splurge as these are timeless items and you use them most of the time.”

Fashion Find #3: Find Your Source for Deals

Everyone has a favorite place to look for their fashion bargains. Jodi notes, “Target and Kohl’s are a GREAT place to find trendy things to update your wardrobe staples! I also love shopping for jewelry at Old Navy and Forever 21!” Alissa, Melissa and Michelle also like TJ Maxx and Marshalls.

April says she’s found great stuff at thrift stores. Kerri says, “If I am lucky to get free time without children, I love to go to the mall and hit the sale racks. Right now, summer items are heavily discounted. I also find that sometimes the higher end stores have better items that are so deeply discounted that you make out better.”Jyoti also takes advantage of off-season sales and makes use of coupons and online codes. Many of the panelists have scored great deal at consignment stores, too, particularly ones that specialize in high-end merchandise.

Fashion Find #4: Use the power of the Internet (judiciously).

The Internet can be a great way to find deals on wardrobe staples and unique pieces alike.  Jyoti finds that that e-stores and small boutiques sometimes have great trendy pieces for affordable prices and that many offer free shipping. Kerri pointed out that some of the sites charge outrageously high shipping, though, and April likes to actually be able to see and handle items before she buys them.  Nearly everyone was enthusiastic about Etsy, though, as a way to find statement jewelry pieces and other trendy items, support small businesses, and get great prices. And eBay can be a great way, as Jodi notes, to find that “have to have” item you missed out on at the store. Often it will be discounted on eBay, even if it’s still new with tags. However, Melissa points out that you should be very sure of your size since returns may not be possible on an eBay purchase.

Fashion Find #5: Shop creatively.

Many stores offer deals in which you spend a certain amount and then receive a certain discount. You don’t have to load up your shopping bag with things you don’t need (and won’t wear) just to reach the target number. Deborah says she and a good friend pool their purchases to receive the discount. Bonus: shopping is more fun and you have a fashion consultant with you who will be more honest than any salesperson. And sometimes shopping doesn’t even mean spending: Michelle says a friend of hers hosts a “fashion swap” in which everybody brings five items to swap with others’ stuff. If you and your friends are different sizes, you could still do this with handbags, belts, jewelry and other accessories.

And the best accessory of all? The cash you’ll have left over after shopping with the experts’ tips–use it to enjoy a night out on the town in your fabulous new outfit.

When I was pregnant with my first child, I chose not to find out the sex of the baby until it was born. I had my suspicions about who I was carrying, and they were confirmed when the doctor called out, “It’s a boy!” I was thrilled, but I had a lot to learn (like when you’re changing a diaper, keep that thing covered–it’s loaded). All these years later, I’m still thrilled to be the mom of a boy, and still learning.

That’s why it was so good to talk to other moms of boys today in The Motherhood. Led by Shell of Things I Can’t Say (superhero sons pictured above), our panel included Amanda of Parenting by Dummies (who seemed plenty smart to me), Kimberly of Kimberly Muro Designs, Adrienne of The Mommy Mess, Alexandra of Good Day, Regular People, and Tayarra of 5 Sharp Lives.

Parenthood is full of surprises, of course, and we wondered what everyone found most surprising about raising boys. To our panelists, the surprises were mostly good ones. Like many moms, Kimberly always pictured herself as a mom to daughters, and she was surprised how much she loves being a mom to boys. Similarly, Tayarra observed, “I’m surprised at how well we fit together. They are so perfect for me. Does that make sense?”

Ever wonder how to annoy a mom of only boys? Tell her you feel sorry for her for not having any girls, or ask her if she’s going to “try for a girl.” That was a pet peeve of many of our panelists, who don’t feel a daughter is necessary to “complete” their families.

Loving being a mom of boys is not to say that raising boys comes without challenges–they’re just challenges that moms, as card-carrying lifelong females, struggle to understand. Suffice it to say, if you have a boy who prefers to run around without underwear, or without any clothing at all, you are not alone. And holy cow, have you noticed how those little dudes can eat? I guess that’s how they become big dudes–who eat even more. I was also relieved to learn I wasn’t the only mother to wonder why it is so challenging for the young male of the species to find the large hole in the middle of the toilet and remember to put the seat up and down again (in fairness, some of the not-so-young males struggle with this as well).

(Tayarra’s three sons and a cousin.)

And apparently, if you’d like to prevent your son from playing with guns, you’re facing an uphill battle. Shell, like many of the talk participants, found that her boys made guns out of other toys. How she handled it: “We talk about the difference between a toy and a real gun as well as talking about how serious it would be to really shoot someone. And as harsh as it may seem, what it means for someone to die.” On the flip side: what about boys who like to play with “girly” toys? It seems to be plenty common, and it doesn’t bother our panelists a bit. Adrienne said, “My youngest has a tendency to lean toward ‘girly’ stuff. I’ve always let him do his own thing!” Amanda noted that some people raised eyebrows when her three-year-old went through a tutu phase, but said, “he got over it and wearing it for a bit didn’t hurt him or anyone else.” Typically, it seems like the people who have the biggest issue with boys playing with girl toys tend to be the older generation.

As our boys grow older, one worry many moms have is whether the lines of communication will begin to shut down. The moms on this talk had great ideas to prevent that from happening. Amanda and Kimberly find that direct questions work well for them.  Others find that talking in the car or after lights out at bedtime helps boys feel comfortable talking. One mom observed, “My boys don’t like to sit and chat. BUT if we’re shooting buckets, or going for a bike ride, or playing catch…if their hands are busy, then they talk. Their hands busy help their words flow.” In light of the fact that so many of us expect our biggest challenge will be talking about sex with our boys when the time is right, having communication strategies in place seems wise. Good advice: a united front with dad for that talk. In general, though, the key to communication with boys seems to be treating them with respect, fostering trust, and not turning a conversation into an interrogation.

(Amanda’s husband and three sons.)

Another challenge all moms of boys will eventually face…letting our sons go. Whether sending them off to kindergarten (where our panelists thought their boys adjusted more quickly than they did) or off to college, it really seems like they grow up way too fast. Something I’ll try to remember next time I’m hyperventilating over a grocery bill or scrubbing a bathroom floor.